Confused Feelings

Well I guess this will be my first real entry here. My
vacation has been going well and everything seems to be
good. Atleast for me that is. I’ve been having these
strange feelings lately about Catherine and Andrew. It’s
funny how I once hated them being together so much, but now
I feel I don’t want them to break up. I don’t understand
this feeling. I think I’m going to tell Cat about it. I
wonder how she is inside her head right now? Happy, sad,
confused? I don’t know. Well, I’m gonna go to that party
like it or not and I’m gonna enjoy it…I hope.

In life…Result comes due to change and…choices…

Things happen in life. People you love die young and old.
Your abandoned. Your left alone. Good friends can leave you
just like that. Alot can happen. But nothing can happen
without you doing something.

I never knew my life would change so much this school
year. I walked in school with year expecting it to be like
the last. Getting below adverage grades, low self esteem,
and the like. But.. but something just clicked in my head.
It was just strange I was succeeding. I was getting As in
my classes. That made me happy.

I was friends with Catherine. I introduced her to my
friends Erik and Andrew. I never expected Erik to go out
with Catherine for that short time. Than now I never
expected Andrew to go out with her either. I don’t care
anymore its over. And I’m glad for them.

My choices have changed my path in life so greatly. I never
knew my position would be like this all the way back then.
If I knew I would have changed earlier. But…I can’t dweal
on the past to long or I’ll still live in the past. I can’t
think what I thought because it wasn’t true. Now I can say
I am OK. I am walking on my own two feet with a burden. I’m
a normal adverage guy. Just trying to pass 10th grade, get
a girlfriend, have some fun adventures on the way. I wonder
what is install for us all this next year…

ATM

Life is a strange thing. I’ve been through my share of
hardships and strange stuff. And I’m only 15. I’ve been
playing like life was a game. It still is in a way, but its
fun to be alittle creative. Like whats so harmful thinking
I’m like Keitaro and I have to study really hard to get
into Toudai? I think I’ve grown up and changed during this
year. Looking back I was a child. Hmm I know even later I’m
going to look back at this and say how much of a child I
was. I’m more determined, and confident. but I’m still the
same old shy loser I was… ^_^ Oh well yea know? I liked
Cat, but I never saw who she was. I loved the one in my
head. But now its different and I like it. I’m glad she and
Andrew are together! You guys are great together Wai wai!
Any way, only time will tell what will happen next. For us
all.

You know

You know I realized just because certain people get paired
up because of me. Doesn’t mean I should be jealous. I
should feel happy because I caused it to happen. I mean I
shouldn’t be depressed and sad. This isn’t an end just a
new beginning. I should move on and adjust. Yea, I think I’m
going to do that.

Fleeting Dream

The sun sets never to embrace the earth
The rain falls never to feel the warmth of the sun
And I walk never to embrace another
My poor soul is fleeting into this dream
I cannot stop it now
Please come back to me
I want to feel your warmth
I do not know where to run
Please come back to this poor soul
I do not know where to go
I want to be with you forever
This fleeting dream is going fast

Rain

From the darken sky
The rain falls
I am alone
The abyss surrounds I
I contemplate
The good
The bad
The joy
The sorrow
The love
The jealosy
Rain is like my tears
We both weep fore we cannot embrace the light
For rain it is the sun
For I it is Love
Oh! If I only could feel its rays of light!
The clouds of the abyss would vanish
And the darkness would subside
But… for now
I am in the darkened sky
The rain falls
I am alone in the darkness
The dark shadows eat away at my soul
The rain weeps for the sun
While I weep for Love

Love

I walk in the rain with a heavy heart
I’m wounded but just stay by me till day breaks
We laughed
We cried
We said ‘goodbye’
Please just stay with me!
Oh tears that shead from my firey eyes with passion!
Teach me the meaning of my love so I may learn from my past
mistakes
Oh forever love filled with joy you walked with me
Oh forever love filled with pain you brought me
It rains
I am sad
I walk with the tears coming from my eyes
Tell me why I must cross hell to reach heaven?
Tell me why I cannot love someone now?
Oh unknown future full of dreams
Love is unknown to me just grant me its joy for a moment
I want to love
I want to love someone so much
Tell me why I must dream this dream?
Tell me why I must cross hell to reach heaven?
I walk in the rain
But there is a light
Love

A HEART BENEATH A STONE

The reduction of the universe to a single being, the
expansion of a single being into God, this is love.
Love is the salutation of the angel to the stars.
How sad the soul when it is sad from love!
What a void is the absence of the being who alone
fills the world! Oh! How true that the beloved becomes God!
One would understand that God might be jealous if the
Father of all had not clearly made creation for the soul,
and the soul for love!
One glimpse of a smile under a white crepe hat with
lilac veil is enough, for the soul to enter the palace of
dreams.
God is behind everything, but everything hides God.
Things are black, creatures are opaque. To love a human
being, is to render her transparent.
Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when,
whatever the attitude of the body, the soul is on its
knees.
Separated lovers belie absence by a thousand chimeric
things that still have their own reality. They are
prevented from seeing each other, they cannot write to each
other; they find a host of mysterious ways to correspond.
They exchange the song of the birds, the perfume of
flowers, children’s laughter, sunlight, the sighs of the
wind, the starlight, the whole of creation. And why not?
All of God’s work were made to serve love. Love is powerful
enough to charge all nature with its messages.
O Spring! You are the letter that I write to her.
The future belongs still more to the heart than the
mind. To love is the only thing that can occupy and fill up
eternity. The infinite requires the inexhaustible.
Love partakes of the soul itself. It is of the same
nature. Like the soul, it is a divine spark; it is
incorruptible, indivisible, imperishable. It is a point of
fire within us, which is immortal and infinite, which
nothing can limit and nothing can extinguish. We feel it
burning even in the marrow of our bones, and we see it
radiate even to the depths of the sky.
O love! Adorations! Light of two minds that
understand each other, of two hearts interchanged, of two
glances that interpenetrate! You will come to me, won’t
you, happiness? Walks together in the solitudes! Blessed
and radiant days! Occasionally I have dreamed that from
time to time hours detached themselves from the life of the
angels and came to pass through the destiny of men.
God can add nothing to the happiness of those who
love one another, but to give them unending duration. After
a life of love, an eternity of love is superabundance
indeed; but to intensify the ineffable felicity that love
gives to the soul in this world is impossible, even for
God. God is the plenitude of heaven; love is the plenitude
of man.
You look at a star for two reasons, because it is
luminous and because it is impenetrable. You have at your
side a softer radiance and a greater mystery, woman.
Whoever we may be, we all have our living, breathing
beings. If they fail us, the air fails us, we stifle, then
we die. To die for lack of love is horrible. The asphyxia
of the soul.
When love has dissolved and mingled two beings into
an angelic sacred unity, the secret of life is found for
them; they are then but the two terms of a single destiny;
they are then but the two wings of a single spirit. Love,
soar!
The day that a woman walking past sheds a light on
you as she goes, you are lost, you love. You have then only
one thing left to do: to think of her so earnestly that she
be compelled to think of you.
What love begins can only be finished by God.
True love is in despair and in raptures over a glove
lost or a handkerchief found, and it requires eternity for
its devotion and its hopes. It is composed at the same time
of the infinitely great and the infinitely small.
If you are stone, be loadstone, if you are plant, be
sensitive, if you are man, be love.
Nothing is enough for love. We have happiness, we
wish for paradise; we have paradise, we wish for Heaven.
O ye who love each other, all this is in love. Be
wise enough to find it. As much as Heaven, love has
contemplation, and more than Heaven, passionate delight.
“Does she still come to the Luxembourg?” “No,
monsieur.” “She hears mass in this church, doesn’t
she?” “She no longer comes here.” “Does she still live in
this house?” “She has moved away!” “Where has she gone to
live?” “She did not say!”
What a somber thing, not to know the address of one’s
soul!
Love has its childishness, the other passions have
their pettiness. Shame on the passions that make man
little! Honor to what makes him a child!
There is a strange thing – do you know what? I am in
the night. There is a being who has gone away and carried
the heavens with her.
Oh, to be laid side by side in the same tomb, hand
clasped in hand, and from time to time, in the darkness, to
caress a finger gently, that would enough for my eternity.
You who suffer because you love, love still more. To
die of love is to live by it.
Love. A sombre starry transfiguration is mingled with
this torture. There is ecstasy in the agony.
O joy of the birds! It is because they have their
nest that they have their song.
Love is a celestial breathing of the air of paradise.
Deep hearts, wise minds take life as God has made it;
it is a long trial, an unintelligible preparation for the
unknown destiny. This destiny, the true one, begins for man
with the first step in the tomb. Then something appears to
him, and he begins to discern the definite. The definite,
think about this word. The living see the infinite; the
definite reveals itself only to the dead. Meantime, love
and suffer, hope and contemplate. Woe, alas, to the one who
shall have loved bodies, forms, appearances only. Death
will take everything from him. Try to love souls, you shall
find them again.
In the street I met a very poor young man who was in
love. His hat was old, his coat was threadbare- there were
holes at his elbows; the water seeped through his shoes and
the stars through his soul.
What a great thing, to be loved! What a greater thing
still, to love! The heart becomes heroic through passion.
It is no longer composed of anything but what is pure; it
no longer rests on anything but what is elevated and great.
An unworthy thought can no more spring up in it than a
nettle on a glacier. The lofty and serene soul,
inaccessible to common passions and common emotions rising
above the clouds and the shadows of this world, its
follies, its falsehoods, its hatreds, its vanities, its
miseries, inhabits the blue of the skies, and no longer
feels anything but the deep and subterranean commotions of
destiny, as the summit of the mountains feels the quaking
of the earth.
If no one loved, the sun would go out.
- from “Les Miserables”, by Victor Hugo, Marius, Book 5,
Chapter 4

I Love You

I love you Erik. I love you Christine. I love you
Catherine. I love you Andrew. I love you Tam. I love you
Kyla. I love you Gina. I love you Emily. I love you my 8th
grade class. I love you my parents. I love you my family. I
love you my teachers. I love you my classmates. I love you
all. I love everything.

Love is good, not bad.
Love is happiness.
Love is the greatest thing one can feel.
Love, I want it so badly! I know I have it but I feel so
empty.
Is this selfishness to want more love even if I know people
love me?
Maybe I just want someone to call my own and love.

Hmm… I wonder if Jean Valjean dies in the end for love?

Hmm.. I love
love.
‘Love’-a random “poem” By Me lol
“I wish I could be bathed in your warm glow. Oh! to be
caressed by your hands. Your lips! I want to love you. To
be with you. I will gladly die for you! I will think only
of you at night, and when I gaze at the night sky I will
see only your smile. Oh! The sight of you makes me blush
and the rush of overwealming emotions makes me tense. There
is not a second in the day where my mind is off of you. Oh!
Like an angel on a cloud you bare your harp. Your voice
sings out to me, and I rush to your side. Oh! If only you
could hear my thoughts. The word ‘I love you’ would be
easier for me to say. Oh yes! In the sky the stars twinkle,
on the cold earth the flowers bloom, and in my universe
there is you! Stay with me in this lasting dream for a
second more. Our hands touch, our lips close, our hearts
race. Tell me oh God of heaven how this angel fell to
Earth? Because she is not a demon forsaken to be banished,
but an angel of your own house! We meet. We part. With
a ‘Hello’ and a ‘Goodbye’ I do not want my love to end that
way. Oh love have mercy on this soul. Oh! I am your wing
and you are my other. Let us join together and become one
forever in time!”

STRENGTH

Strength
Ending Song to X Episode 0

By Koizumi Kouhei

In a world of sad dreams
Without any loved ones
Unable even to end my own life
What should I do?

By loving, I lost everything
But still, I searched
The beauty of protecting someone
That was only an illusion

Without being able to protect even
Your strength and kindness, there is only pain
If everyone was born
Unable to defy their destiny
Please, tell me the meaning of tears

I can’t even fulfill
The promises I made that day
But, I thought, somehow
I am just a little happy

No matter how hard the past was
Or if you have been lost
I can see a small light
I’m sure it’s not an illusion

If it is your strength and kindness
I just might be able to protect my true feelings
People’s hearts are changing things
I want to try to believe that so I can live until tomorrow
Please don’t cry anymore, because I’m here

Even though I’m anxious about the future
Even if our hearts are lost
Because poeple’s hearts can change
I won’t lose the people I love anymore

If it is your strength and kindness…
Because people’s hearts can change

Live without being lost anymore
Now, don’t cry anymore and start walking