Fragments of Dreams

Right now I’m in on of those moods where I realize how
alone I really am. I have no one. I have no one to love. Is
it so wrong for me to want to feel loved? …I now am
starting to feel a little better so I guess you can scratch
that.

::YAWN::

Well lets see…Not much has happened really. I passed my
exams some what well more or less. I dunno how I will do
this half I feel so out of it again.

Anyway, I broke my promise to myself. I talked to Cat for
alittle bit…I know I said I won’t but I couldn’t help it
I was bored. I’ll try harder this time.

I’m really bored right now…sigh.

A Dream I Had Last Night (2)

I had a really strange dream where I met death
walking…well more like floating down this street near
Catherine’s house. It was scary, he had his scythe and the
cloak and the skull head and everything. All I remember was
cowering and praying to myself. There were two other people
I think with me. I can’t remember who they were.

~My thoughts on this~

I don’t know what this could me. Mostly a with a death in a dream
means an end to something. Maybe it means my bind to Catherine is
finally dead? Maybe it means Catherine is death for me? I really
don’t know.
———————————————————————
Then there was this strange dream the same night, which
involved me becoming a merman…Now how the hell? Where the
fuck did THAT come from…Grr I want a cool dream where I’m
working at the Pia Carrot and…Ryouko-san…haha…I gotta
work at a restuarant someday in my life…maybe.

AISU THII (Iced Tea) YOKUSOU Part 2

From Aisu Thii 1

Sigh…Nothing I try is gonna work anymore. I don’t think
she loves me back one bit. I swear I’m not giving up. Not
one bit. Not yet. ::makes a fist:: Bryan doesn’t give up
when he loves someone. If I have to go through all of high
school feeling pain like this so be it! I love her. I’m not
going to stop trying. All thats in my way is my
rival…What I do…Just to keep living nowadays. I have
nothing. I hardly play games. Anime and anime girls just
don’t cut it anymore. My story is sorta on hold. And school
well can’t fail that. So what do I got ta lose, but me
life. And that nothing compared to what love feels like.
HAHA Yea, I feel alive. I’m not gonna give up. I just
can’t!!
———————————————————–

I gave up. Its been what 7 days now I think since we last
talked. I guess Bryan does give up even on people he loves.
Pain is something I don’t want so I’m running away again. I
have no reason to go back anymore.

Glasses and Love

Grr!! I so thought she was gonna say I love you. No, no!
Why!? The thought makes me blush so much. I’d like that, but I don’t
want them breaking up either. Man, I have strange logic here. I think
its because what I want is selfish. I can’t have her love me out of
selfishness. She has to do it out of her own will. I don’t want
anyone to get hurt.(Not even Andraw. Strangly as it sounds.)I hope I
find myself and how I feel. ::sigh:: Bit still
I’m not gonna give up. Not even now. I’m stubborn and
childish, but still its not like I can just give
up.Honya…Anyway, I think I’m going back to my glasses.
Atleast for alittle while. Keitaro wears them and hes cool
in my book. And hey, hes pretty much a loser too and he got
a girl like Naru…Oh wait real world Bryan…Reality sucks.

Creid

I have nothing but work. All I can do or love is the work
that is given to me now. I…I’m going to be hit so hard
emotionally once exams ends…I…I’m sitting here
listening to Creid. Its a sad sounding song, but I found
the lyrics and there not that sad. I wish I wish I had
something to belive in or a dream to hold onto. What if
your dream doesn’t love you? What do you do if you just
live for the hell of it? It’s just not fair…I love you
more. I wanted…I’d die for you just so you could
live…Its just…why? I’m pathetic, selfish and childish.
I shouldn’t be acting this way. I just need something to
get it out. My feels so I don’t take it out on
anyone…what the fuck am I talking about Exams are all the
matters right now…I think. Oh well. ::turns on STRENGTH
followed by Crucify My Love::

Creid (Sung to the Nisan Chant)
From the Xenogears Cried CD

There is nothing that cannot be seen,
There is nothing to be afraid of,
Why not stroll down this path?

His profound words lead to nothing,
Slowly, the wind begins to blow.
People continue to live thier lives.
The longer this age turns, the more images remain.

As long as you have your dream, remember.
As long as you have something to believe in, keep it safe.
Until time ends for us all.

At night, when the moon rises,
pausing on the road I can no longer see.
Glittering stars will always and forever
call back the lamb lost at sea.

As long as you have your dream, remember.
As long as you have something to believe in, keep it safe.
Until time ends for us all.

AISU THII (Ice Tea)

Sigh…Nothing I try is gonna work anymore. I don’t think
she loves me back one bit. I swear I’m not giving up. Not
one bit. Not yet. ::makes a fist:: Bryan doesn’t give up
when he loves someone. If I have to go through all of high
school feeling pain like this so be it! I love her. I’m not
going to stop trying. All thats in my way is my
rival…What I do…Just to keep living nowadays. I have
nothing. I hardly play games. Anime and anime girls just
don’t cut it anymore. My story is sorta on hold. And school
well can’t fail that. So what do I got ta lose, but me
life. And that nothing compared to what love feels like.
HAHA Yea, I feel alive. I’m not gonna give up. I just
can’t!!

Apologies

Saying your sorry to someone for something takes courage.
She apologized to me because I didn’t have a good time at
her party. I accepted it and then she just got off saying
good night. I feel strange. All that anger and hate from
last night seems to just go away now. I just want to talk
to her now. Why did she get off? Is that what she wanted to
say? Is she afraid? What is going on right now? I wish I
could just dream again thinking maybe she does like me, but
I know that isn’t going to happen. Shes with Andrew and its
so hard to dream anymore. I’ve been pulled back into
reality. Not even the girls from anime seem not real, and
there not real. But they weren’t always that way to me…I
want things to go back pre-september. I just want to wake
up from this terriable nightmare…

A Dream I Had Last Night (1)

I had a really neat dream while I slept. I just remembered
it just now. I went back into the past to my old school
during 7th grade and changed time for the better. I told
Cat how I felt, and I think I beat up David or maybe
Andrew. Then it got even better. Somehow the church near
the school I went to turned into a blitzball statium and
Tidus and Wakka were fighting a monster, and I was helping.
It was cool.

-My View On This Dream-

I think deep inside I want to go back to the past and
change things that I didn’t know they would happen now. I
think the FFX part came from my no stop playing a few weeks
back.

My whole fucking body hurts

I hate it. I want to go back to sleep but I can’t and its
so early in the morning. I’m awake enough to realize pain
again. I can’t cope. When will it go away? When will this
nightmare end? Please someone! Anyone stay with me please
love me…Someone? Its so cold and dark…brr You don’t know how I
hate you andrew. How much I envy you. You have something so precious
to me. Its like I’ve lost air, and I’m slowing dieing inside. I’ve
wanted her so much. I’d die for her. I loved her and dreamt of being
only with her. She was my happiness. And you just take her away! Its
not fair…Its just not fair. I tried to know her for four years but
it was so easy for you. You have her now. I don’t want to live in
reality. I can’t even dream anymore. My whole body hurts.
Ugh…please I need to wake up.