Tired

I am so tired right now, and I’m going to bed right now
after I write this. Sigh, I’m sitting here listening to
Hotohori’s image song In My Universe There Is You. Ah, it
used to be like a prayer back when I was “happy”. I am so
angry right now. It must because I’m not tired to surpress
my angry for againest those two. How I despise there love!
I try so hard, I…I’m going to stop there. I’m just being
selfish. But its so hard to move on when I don’t feel
loved. I just want a girl…or someone there. I don’t want
friends. My friends aren’t the same. I don’t want
to “adapt” as Erik puts it. I don’t want to change. I
refuse to. I like the studious,shy,and bookish Bryan. You
could say I love it. I wish I could find a girl someday,
but for now I can only draw and write about that girl I
hope to find…I wish I could just sleep for a few years
and stay young…Good night.

Books are cold but sure friends

As of late I find myself reading more. I do not mind
because I like to read. Reading now seems to be a solitude
and my friend. Even if all my friends leave me books are
always there. The people that seemed to had once made my
life fun now appear to me childish children. Erik is not
the person I appeared to have known years ago. This change
has finally appeared to me last night at a rather dull
party. Where myself, Erik, Andrew, Emily, and Kyle stayed
at Erik’s home for a bit. I, the more silent and mature
individual, watched them as I read. They played their
little childish games and saying their foolish merriment
jokes that showed how old they really were. After some
time, Andrew began to talk to his love, Catherine. Andrew,
too like myself, had felt that being there was of wasted
time. Perhaps he would of wanted to stay by his love’s
side. I do not know nor do I have a sense of care.

Lately I find myself tired of the simple amusements that I
enjoyed as a child. Games are a mere toy that does not
amuse me fore I do not have time to waste on it nor do I
have time to watch or waste my time on anime. I do not know
if I am to give up most of my interests yet, but fore now I
do not have the time for them even at my leisure. Books are
now becoming my one true friend and my love. If I cannot
find love in a person, I shall find it withen a book.

Must not give in to evil…must resist….cannot…

I want to turn evil again…I feel so evil inside
again…Grr feelings of angry…must not give in…must not
wish death…but I hate there smiling faces. GAH!!! I hate
you…why can’t things go back to the way they
were…why…why…why….why….I wish…I wish…

No Reply
From Cowboy Bebop

Like the perfect ending
It won’t be long
Till everything I’ve ruined has seen me gone
In time, I pray you’ll forgive me
Now you know the man I am
Can you forgive me?

I fall
Like the sands of time
Like some broken rhyme
At feet no longer there

*If only I could call the rain to melt and wash away the
pain you feel
I would
You gave yourself to me and showed me what the truth could
be
For that, I say thank you
This was my life
It never made much sense to me

Whith every lie that I lived
Part of me would fade
Into this empty shadow I’ve become
And now I feel so numb
I no longer know myself
But I still know you

I call
And there is no reply
Like some phontom cry
On ears too far away

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing
by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt real to me

You’ll always mean so much to me
And there’s no reply
And there’s no reply
You’ll never know how much you meant to me

Repeat *

I close my eyes and watch as my life passes by
The only thing I see is you
For all the times you walked the line for me and standing
by my side
I say thank you
Here lies my life
It never felt real to me

You in my life
It all meant so much more to be