I will wait!

Yes, its not over. Cathy and I talked it over. Everything
is alright. I’m going to wait for her to be ready. Till
then I’m going to better myself as a person for her. I
must. I swear I will!

KOTOWARI 2 (Alone Again)

Here I am. Its 2:25 Am. I can’t sleep…why? Cathy and I
are on a “break”. I should of just broken up with her. I
don’t know whats going on. She says its her and shes to
busy to handle a relationship. Bull. What did everything
mean then? Why get into a relationship? I’m so hurt again.
I thought pain was something I wouldn’t feel again for such
a long time. I want to just shut myself up again and never
like someone ever again. After 3 tries, surely I thought
the fourth would last and be true…but I was wrong like
always.
I’m so pissed, so angry, so sad…so many different
emotions at once. I don’t know how to feel. I feel so alone
again. Like the light has gone out. There is no reason for
me to live again. It was so easy for me to understand. I
understood but now its hitting. Hitting me like if I were
to run straight into a wall. What can I do…? What is
there for me to do? Its not her fault. She says it is, but
its not. It has to be my fault. I am a bad boyfriend. I
know I am. I couldn’t even hold her hand or be close to
her. I didn’t go places with her. I just held her around.
I’m such a demon. I’m not some great person. Thats such a
lie. I hate it! I HATE IT ALL. NO ONE LOVES ME THEY SHOULD
ALL DIE. …The song pretty much sums up my feelings.

I’m going back into that dream. That land that only I can
go. The one where pain and loneliness are good. The place
where I am forever loved. Reality sucks so why not distort
it. I used to…so why not just do it again?

I’m not going to have a good day at school today…blah.
I’ll talk about this more later I guess…After the
emotions have subsided alittle.

Come Sweet Death
From End of Evangelion

I know, I know I’ve let you down
I’ve been a fool to myself
I thought I could
live for no one else
But not through all the hurt and pain
Its time for me to respect
the ones you love
mean more than anything
So with sadness in my heart
I feel the best thing I could do
is end it all
and leave forever
whats done is done, it feels so bad
what once was happy now is sad
I’ll never love again
my world is ending

I wish that I could turn back time
cos now the guilt is all mine
cant live without the trust from the ones you love.
I know we can’t forget the past
you cant forget love and pride
because of that its killing me inside

It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down,
it all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down,
in my heart of hearts,
I know that I called never love again
I’ve lost everything
everything
that matters to me,
matter in this world

I wish that I could turn back time
cos now all the guilt is mine
cant live without
the trust from those you love
I know we can’t forget the past
you can’t forget love and pride
because of that, its killing me inside

It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
it all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down
It all returns to nothing, it all comes
tumbling down, tumbling down,
tumbling down
it all returns to nothing, I just keep
letting me down, letting me down,
letting me down