GAH! 17 pages and still not done with volume 4 of my doujinshi. I still have a lot more to write/draw left. But its fun.

Yesterday I went to Erik’s place and Mike came over too. It was fun stuff. They were trying to get me with the waitress..ha..ha. The last thing I want is a girlfriend anymore. (Yeah right Bryan.) If I ever marry a heavily religious woman. I’m going to kill myself. My bluntness is unmatched. I think I’ve finally found my standing. This is what I believe.

If theres a God, okay thats cool. If there isn’t thats cool to. I don’t care. I only care about whats now. What I believe maybe from my old religion, but I consider it my morals and nothing more. I’m not doing it because of some guys named Jesus and God. Actually I hate religion in general because its no different then a cult. People need to start believing in themselves without a God.

But enough with my wacko religious views.

My day was decent. My mother came to drop off some money for me as a Christmas gift. There was a letter attached and it was something like what Cathy wrote to me many months ago. I despised reading it because it reminded me of that. The money was nice though. Yeah, I’m a selfish bastard.

Sometimes I still think of her. Shes cute. I loved her, but that wasn’t really love. If that was love we would have stayed together. I can’t say I don’t like being single, but I dunno. Wish it didn’t end the way it did. Shes a sweet girl, and I hope she finds someone that’ll treat her right. It was fun while it lasted. I’m a loner anyway…cough. Yeah sure I am…aha

Oh yeah, I forgot to add about me that I’m always the boyhood friend. The guy thats always the girl’s friend, but only on a platonic level. I hate being the platonic friend. I just want to love you damn it. I hate girls sometimes.

Moved

Meh, I don’t know if people care or not, but just if you
care I’ve changed my log to here now.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Koji_Oe

Later, its been fun here.

Well, here I am. I’ve been sitting around too long and I thought maybe with the new year coming up I’d “update” my “log”. I had some weird times on www.my-diary.org but I think its time to move on and get something cooler like this. Well, maybe I’ll use this first post to explain who I am.

I’m Bryan. I consider myself a normal guy that tried his best, but too lazy to give his all. I like to draw and do all that art type stuff, but I am not an art fag. I like rock, metal, old rock, Jpop and jrock. Some of my other pointless stats are said on my about me part of my website which I hardly update.

I am 16 and currently single, but if you read my old log that wasn’t always the case. I like girls with glasses, short/long hair either black, or brown. I like a girl thats shy, smart, cute, makes you feel like you belong. Ah, this would be so much easier if I could say names but you people don’t know who the hell I’m talking about…Ah, well I like a sweet girl that basically covers it.

Hmm, what else…?

I hate how today is going to be. As much as I love my relatives, which is only like a little, I hate being around them. I’m only hanging around them for the money, but who knows maybe today will be fun?? I’m definitely looking forward to buying all the stuff I want. HAHA!

Tomorrow, hopefully I can get Costa over so I don’t have to go over to more relatives houses. Gotta work on my doujinshi too. Grr! I hope you died over this break Mrs. Smith. I hate you alot. What nerve assigning a Theology test the day I get back from break. Like hell I’ll study for it.

Birthday

Well, I’ve been writing here for a year…so many painful
memories I wrote here and the happy ones are few. Some say
they like the holidays, but I hate them. I like getting
money but I hate the way I feel. Last year I was in so much
pain around this time, and my body is acting that way as if
it were a year ago. Some say to let go of the past, but I
can’t. I don’t. I don’t have much to live with something I
hold onto, but I always remember the bad but never the
good…

I hate Cathy for leaving me for no real reason at all. I
hate her for that and I want her to die. I want her friends
to die. I hate alot of people in my life except Erik, Cat,
Mike,
Costa, a few good teachers I’ve had and Zack. Even if I say
all those thing sboaut Costa he’s a good guy. Everyone else
in my life has let me down in one way or another or they’re
just not people I would consider trustworthy. Everyone else
I like is not real. I can’t trust anyone because I’m just
going to be hurt again.

School is tough for me. School blows I hate it so much. I
don’t want any of this information. I want to draw and
share it with others not learn about gay ass christian
theology.

Why can’t we all just die?

In the Chaos – Masami Okui

Being lead by something
Are we living within an illusion?

Everyone makes fun of the unstopping days
Continuous wandering in search of love to embrace
Forever I dawn my armor only when I close my heart
Making myself different

Beautiful blossoming pride, the flower is a fragile strength
With hidden thorns within it�s folds, preventing movement
We�re caught in the chaos

Everyone receives sadness and hatred
Embracing the shadow in sleep, consulting the mirror for
a �feeling of peace�
Break out now Bathed in light from a fairly small place
Time to set a closed mind free

A meeting, my true self stretches out a hand
The light and deep darkness, as if melting became one
Like an illusion in the chaos

Important things, lost somewhere
As if flowing along, continuing to search Drifter
Even while burdened with the weight of guilt
Noticing nothing as time passes me by

Forever No matter what, people have to keep living
Until the day the answer is found
I�m going Bathed in the light from a fairly small place
The closed heart is guided

A meeting, my true self stretches out a hand
The light and deep darkness, as if being drawn in
Beautiful blossoming pride, wanted to become a flower
Even if it�s hidden thorns hurt someone
We�re illusions in the chaos