You know, I don’t care what any of you have to say. I am god because that is all there is. We are our own gods. There is no god or ultimate creator and if there is it doesn’t matter. We’re all alone here, and I wait for the day that everyone else realizes this too.

Fuck you all and I hope you all die. I have no friends, I have no beliefs, and I have no motivation. I’m rather be a programmed lifeless being then be whatever I am now.

I am done with this shit, and I am done with all of you. I don’t need any of you. So, just get the fuck out of my life all of you.

Love is over. There was no love to begin with. Love doesn’t even exist. It’s just a bunch of chemical reactions in the brain like everything else. Humans are nothing special and they need to be killed off. They’re ruining the earth. Man is just a parasite, and I will be the reaper who will rise up and take care of this parasite one day.

Oh, who am I kidding? I don’t even know what I was angry at or what I’m angry at now. I’m just making stuff up as I go along to sound more angry then I am,and I’m just looking for attention now. Still, it is somewhat entertaining, personally, to say all these things. It really gets a lot off.

I’m just tired. I really wanted to say fuck you cat or fuck you cat, you’re no friend of mine. You could have done without the stop being emo comment. Not something you want to say to someone when they’re feeling down. Your words were encouraging till I got to that part. Then I felt really angry about that or something.

Still, I’m pretty tired, and that is why I am this way.

Have a good day everyone and please tolerate me while I am in this time of great emotional turbulance and tiredness. Onegaishimasu.

HI HO RETSU GO

December is soon here.

The white snow will fall.

And I will sit here and feel no cold.

Battling my demons alone.

I give them form.

It isn’t them.

Never have I seen a spring in winter.

Winter begins now, but it has been winter in my heart for all times.

“Last Regrets” – Kanon

Don't say "Thank you," keep it always in your chest. Goodbyes aren't gloomy. After the dream, quietly step off.

The fragments that rain into my hands, I will always hold close The strength to be smiling until the end; that, I have already known.
 
Good morning; waking is blindingly bright sadness. I cannot let you say goodbye, our weakness was good to have been.
 
The gentleness that overflowed in us two, let be reflected, like flowers, like love. The quietness of low clouds waiting for the winds... I can no longer hear it.
 
The fragments that rain into my hands, I will always hold close The strength to be smiling until the end; that, I have already known.
 
Don't cry anymore, don't cry...

 

Let the Christmas music begin!

P.s Today sucked and I hope I’m not going to lose my job.

-Ja

LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME

Yeah, this is lame. So, I’m commiting suicide (not really, but I’m pretty damn close). Wow, worst joke God has done to me in a long while.

Argh! Just fuck you guys, ok? I didn’t know. How was I supposed to know? All asians look somewhat similar, amirite? (no offense) There was no doubt in my mind that it could be Catherine in any way what so ever. Anyway, this is gay. So fucking gay.

Now, that is off my chest. I’m going to bed because today is a new day.

-Ja

Bought some clothes and new boots.

Just spent the last 2 hours rearranging my room, and I’m still not done. I need a nap after this.

Might buy some more plushies in bulk straight from Japan.

Work, 1-9 tomorrow. -_- . . .

Finally done more or less. I’ll save vacuuming for another day. I think I’ll hold off on buying other stuff. I think I’ll just save it. There really isn’t anything too cool that I want at the moment.

-Ja

Work sucked

Since worked sucked today. I’m going to leave you with this quiz I took a year ago. It’s a tad long. I feel like wasting time, and I don’t want to do homework.

BASICS

What do people call you? – Bryan, Bry but I prefer Bryan
Gender: Male
How long have you been living?:: 18 years and some days.
Where were you born?: Some hospital here in Allentown
Where do you reside?:: Just outside the ghetto. OH!

Who do you live with?:: Pop, brother
Any pets?: 1 hamster named Boo
Grade?: Freshmen in college

Outside

Height?:: 6 feet and some inches?
Eye color?:: Brown
Skin color?:: White
Hair?:: Dark brown
Wear glasses/contacts?:: Both
Any piercing?:: Nope

Tattoos?:: Nope
What can you usually be seen wearing?:: I dunno. Just regular clothes. A shirt and jeans? I’m not much of a dresser.

Jewelry?:: Sometimes a ring
Makeup?:: No.

Do you like the way you look?:: Least I do. I should probably work out more though.

~Inside~
How do you normally feel?:: Happy, content, lonely, hungry, tired, sad.

What is usually on your mind?:: School work, anime, games, anime, school work, work, and games.

How would you describe your personality?:: Guy who is pretty average. Looks like a mean guy but pretty kind when he opens up and starts to like you.

Do you hide how you really feel or show it?:: Depends if I like being around you or not.

Do you like how you think?:: No.
Do you have low self-esteem??:: Sort of but not really.
Are you confident :: No.

~Favorites~
Color?:: black, red, pink(on a girl), white, dark blue, dark purple

Food?:: Food in general is good, and I find myself eating more of it,
Beverage?:: Milk
Book?:: Les Miserable

Toy?:: Good old PS2, computer, Nintendo DS, MP3 player, anime models.
Person(s)?:: Costa, Lauer, Cathy (She was never a bad person), various teachers from CCHS.

Just had to comment here. This was the old favorite persons entry. Person(s)?:: Cat, Erik, Sarah, Zack, Kaitou, Various teachers. Time sure does change. I wish I were still in contact with Kaitou and Sarah. They were awesome people.

Animal?:: Hamsters
Place?:: My room
Article of clothing?:: Trenchcoat. My memories are embedded in it.
Website?:: GameFaqs, 4chan.org, a few anime H boards, a few anime and music torrent sites, rpgamer, a few anime merchandise sites.

Holiday?:: Christmas
Invention?:: Computer
Cheese?: Swiss
Cookie:: Chocolate chip
Pizza topping?:Mushrooms with extra cheese
Candy?:: Snickers
Perfume/Cologne/Scent?:: I like my natural scent…WHAT!? I do bathe.
Bath item?:: Soap?

Store?:: Waldenbooks/Borders
Texture?:: 展hat in God痴 name does that mean?・/FONT>
Noise?:: Anything that pleases the senses
Taste?:: Anything that tastes good
Game?:: Final Fantasy series, Lunar series, Suikoden series, Chross Channel, Air, Kanon, Tokimeki Memorial series, Comic Party, Sakura Taisen series, ugh so many more.

Sport?:: No sport
Thing to do?:: Play video games, watch anime, waste time
Weather?:: Rain, or sunny breezy days
Instrument?::Piano
Word/phrase?:: I can’t go, I work. (Not a favorite but it’s basically my excuse for everything now…)

~Love/Relationships/And all that fun stuff~
Single or taken?:: Single!
How many past relationships did you have?:: 1
Why did the last one end?:: Complications
Are you currently in search for a significant other?:: Yeah, but it probably won’t happen until I either grow some balls or she takes the iniciative.
Ever been kissed?:: No, and I wait till after marriage.
How old were you when you got your first kiss?:: AFTER MARRIAGE
How about that tongue?:: AFTER MARRIAGE!

Ever been in love?:: I thought so, but love is an action not some feeling.
Do you believe in love?: Yes.

Any regrets?:: Of course
Do you like being single better or being taken?:: Both have their pros and cons
If taken, What is your significant other’s name?:: SINGLE!!

How long have you been together?:: SINGLE!!!
Where did you meet?:: SINGLE!!!!!
Describe them.:: SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!

Virgin or no?:: Me? Yeah
Turn-ons?:: Glasses, intelligence, girly cloths, etc
Turn-offs?:: Tomboyishness, immaturity,
Where do you like to be touched?:: I don’t know. I’m pretty sensitive anywhere…
What kind of person are you attracted to?:: Some of the girls below
Are you dominant or submissive?:: I don’t know
Prefer to be on the top or bottom?:: Uh

・STRONG>~People/Friends/Socialness~
How many close friends do you have?:: 2-3
Who always makes you smile?:: Seeing something that touches me
Makes you laugh?:: A good joke
Who is always there for you?:: Myself the majority of the time now.

Who can you trust the most:: Costa, Lauer, Cathy, even though we don’t talk much, Erik too.
Trust the least?:: Everyone else

Who would you give your life for?:: Costa, Lauer, Cathy
Are you social?:: Not really.

Do you like to talk to people?:: Sure.
Are you a conversation starter?:: Yeah, sometimes.
Do you like to be the center of attention?:: No.
Would you just like to be unnoticed?:: Yes.

Do you hate anyone: I try not to
Do you talk to strangers?:: Hm, not unless I知 spoken too first, but I pretty much have to at work.

What is one weird encounter you致e had with a stranger?:: Not sure any recent ones.

What 痴 one of the sweetest things someone has done for you?:: Said they loved me. Asked me if I would like to sit with them. (Course being the shy bastard I am, I said no thanks. UGUU~!)

~Music~
Favorite genre?:: JPOP/Rock, classical
Bands?:: Check my side bar for details.

~TV/Movies~
Fave show?:: Right now it痴… wow I’m not sure.
Fave reruns?:: Azumanga Daioh is always a funny show to watch over and over
Fave channel?:: N/A
Fave cartoon?:: Too many to name one

Have any shows got canceled that made you mad?:: Yeah, but I can’t think of any shows off the top of my head.

Fave movie?:: Hm, I don稚 know. I don稚 watch many movies
Genre?:: Comedy, romance, action
Most disappointing movie you saw?:: Mostly everything I see
Rather go to the movies or sit at home?:: Sit at home
Fave actor?:: I like a lot of voice actors. They池e just so damned talented.
Actress?:: Same as above.
Director?:: N/A

~This or That~
Phone or IM?:: Neither
Lights on or off?:: Off, but if I知 scared I値l put them on.
Talk or listen?:: Listen
Wax or shave?:: Shave
Write or type?:: Both
Burn in hell with people you love or be in heaven alone?:: Heaven
Have someone stab you or stab yourself?:: Um, neither
Eat shit or drink piss?:: Eat shit and die
Kill yourself or someone else?:: No one.
Be blind or deaf?:: Damn, to hard to choose.
Shower or bath?:: Shower
Hot tub or pool?:: Hot tub

White chocolate or milk chocolate?:: Milk chocolate
Outdoors or indoors?:: What do you mean? Both

~Now~
Eating?:: Nothing
Drinking?:: Milk
Listening to?:: Asterik by Orange Rage
Wearing?:: Pajamas
Talking to?:: Nothing
Doing?:: Typing this quiz out and singing
Thinking?:: What I should be thinking about?
How ya feeling?:: tired, and I have homework to do…
Book reading?:: I should be reading Tuesdays with Morrie…
~Last~
Ate?:: Soup
Drank?:: milk
Listened to?:: Asterik by Orange Rage
Wore?:: My work clothes
Talked to?::Brother
Said?:: I can’t remember…
Did?:: Hm…
Watched?:: Nothing
Time you vomited?:: Years ago
Were sick?:: I was feeling sick a few months ago.
Cry?:: Not sure
Book read?:: Five People You Meet In Heaven
Movie watched?:: DOOM
Person hugged?:: Grandmom
Person you saw?:: Brother
Hospital visit?:: years ago
What annoys the hell out of you?:: Annoying people, people who complain, being around alot of people too long.
What do your sheets look like?:: I don稚 have sheet.
Been to any neat places?:: Nope, I知 boring
met guys wearing skirts and makeup?::Not sure
you like fuzzy stuff?:: Yeah, who doesn’t?
what about sparkly and glittery stuff?:: No
you could get rid of one thing in the world what would it be?:: Suffering
drugs or are they a no no for you?:: Drugs alter the mind and destory it. Not good in my book.
is homosexuality a no no?:: It’s not natural, but being gay isn’t wrong. The acts are.
Five things I can’t live without:
Sleep, computer, anime, games, people(friends)

-Ja ne

Wow, I spent a lot of time on AIM tonight talking to people. That’s new, but it was nice.

-Ja