I’m not really sure what happened in the span of time between my last entry and now, but I’m feeling sad and depressed. I always seem to get this way around this time, and can only be a sign of winter, I guess. I hate how I am such a jumble of conflicting emotions. I have no drive or motivation to succeed or do better. Success and to make something of oneself are just social constucts and really don’t matter in the long run to me.

Also, my thoughts on there not being a ultimate power in the universe only perhaps depresses me more. If there is no god, shouldn’t making the most of this life be my motivation to make the most of things? I have no motivation except just living. How tired I am with pleasure right now. I don’t really want to do anything. I am a coward and running away from everything.

I am such a failure and lack of not being close to other people makes me feel like I am the only one who is feeling this way. I am the only one I can rely on, and I am failing at trying to keep myself going at this point. I was never one that could be strong while feeling down or that is probably just because I have no confidence in myself.

Life is meaningless at least at this time.

Facebook banned my college e-mail. I got own’d. I’ll make another by using one of my many fake e-mails.

What is going on

It’s going to be hard to sum up three months in one post but let’s see what I can do. There really isn’t much anyway.

Final Fantasy 12 came out and it is a really good game. Seriously guys. Everything fits and it was well worth the fucking wait. I don’t care what Erik thinks because he gave up after 7. Anyway, I’m not all that far and I haven’t really been playing much. I was playing last night and I got totally own’d by Judge Ghis. (I’m on the Leviathan) Shit this game is tough. My guys are at lv 20 and I still lost. I wonder if it’s because I’m doing whatever the hell with the License Grid. >_> My ultimate party will be Basch, Baltheir and Panelo. I REALLY REALLY thought Panelo was going to be a cheerful girl much like Yuffie and what not but she’s just a plan old girl next door time. Blah.

Shit! Ashe, the heroine, is a bitch. I guess that’s what happens to you when your kingdom is overthrown by another kingdom only called THE EMPIRE, your husband is killed and can’t have any moar sex. In all seriousness, I love all the characters. Baltheir is badass, Basch is cool except for his shitty vest (HE SHOULD BE WEARING ARMOR), and basically everyone else is cool, I guess. This will probably be the first FF that I will attempt to do everything it has to offer. God, I got to try and beat the secret bosses who have leik HPs in the 100,000,000s.

I still work at Sears and it’s the same old as usual. Now until the holidays are over I’m going to be working 7pm to 3am on Saturdays. Well, least I get the Sunday off now.

I’ve been reading books here and there. Mostly on Japan and world religions.

Lehigh rejected me for the spring. I’m going to try for the Fall and I’m going to try Temple, and Penn State as well. I am changing my major to Asian Studies and if possible just Japanese. TranslatorGET.

I was trolling a lot last week, but now I haven’t really been. I trolled whats her name and her friends and nao she blocked me, but it was lawl, and I did it for the lulz so it’s okay.

Been playing WoW. I’m lv 29 Shaman.

School is okay but I want break. Etc.

I’m too lazy to now elaborate on any of the above stuff. Oh well. Thats the unimportant stuff anyway.

-Ja

A Start

[Name]: Bryan
[Name Backwards]: Nayrb
[Does Your Name Mean Anything?]: Strength
[Were You Named After Anyone?]: My mom wanted to pick a spelling that she hadn’t seen much often.
[Nick Name(s)]: Slut
[Screen Name(s)]: PENIS PENIS PENIS
[Date of Birth]: April 14, 1987
[Current Location]: Allentown, PA
[Height]: 5′9 or something or other
[Hair Color]: Blackish brown
[Eye Color]: Brown
[Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous?]: Righty
[Gay, Straight, Bi, or Other?]: Other

———DO YOU HAVE…
[Any Sisters?]: No, but I wish.
[Any Brothers?]: One
[Any Pets?]: Hamster
[A Disease?]: According to Psychology, liking young children is a mental disease. So, yes.
[A Pager?]: No
[A Personal Phone Number?]: Yes, two of them
[A Leather Jacket With Studs On It?]: No
[A Car?]: No

——–DESCRIBE YOUR…
[Personality]: Good Evil
[Driving]: I, nevermind.
[Room]: Mess usually.

[Bed]: I wish I had a larger bed but it’s just a single.
[Relationship with Your Parent(s)]: There is no relationship.

———DO YOU…
[Like to Drive?]: Yes, now I just need my license.
[Get Motion Sickness?]: No.
[Eat Chicken Fingers With a Fork?]: Yes
[Dream in Color?]: Dunno
[Type With Your Fingers on Homerow?]: No
[Sleep With a Stuffed Animal?]: No
[Do You Believe In Love at First Sight?]: No
[Consider Yourself a Good Listener?]: No
[Consider Yourself a Good Friend?]: Yes, but only to the people I liek.
[Get Along With Your Parents?]: Not sure
[Save Your E-mails?]: No
[Save Your Chat Conversations?]: I used to, but not anymore.
[Like to Make Fun of People?]: Yes, on the interwebs. I need to start doing it moar in real life.
[Like to Talk on the Phone?]: No

———WHAT IS ~*/*~ ARE ~*/*~ WAS…
[Right Next to You?]: Ipod
[On the Walls of Your Room?]: Anime posters
[Your Bedtime?]: 12am – 3am somewhere around there
[Under Your Bed?]: I’m not sure… I think some computer stuff.
[Your Bad Time of the Day?]: Afternoon. I usually take a nap then.
[Your Worst Fear(s)?]: Standing in front of the group. I’m a lousy speaker unless I like what I’m talking about.
[The Time?]: 10:36 AM
[The Date?]: November 16, 2006
[The Best Trick You've Ever Played on Someone]: OH SHIT TOO MANY TO SAY JUST ONE. LAWL.
[Your Funniest Experience?]: Bryan Kreig pic. Nuff said.
[The Silliest Thing You've Ever Said?]: Too many to say.
[The Worst Feeling in the World?]: Lust
[The Best Feeling in the World?]: I am a God feeling.

————–THIS OR THAT
[Me/You]: Dharma
[Coke/Pepsi]: Vanilla Pepsi
[Day/Night]: Night
[Aol/Aim]: AIM
[Cd/Casette]: CD
[Dvd/Vhs]: DVD
[Jeans/khakis]: Jeans
[Car/Truck]: Car
[Tall/Short]: Tall
[Lunch/Dinner]: Dinrar
[NSYNC/BSB]: Ayumi Hamazaki
[Silver/Gold]: Platinum
————LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS
[Do you have a bf/gf?]: No
[Do you have a crush?]: No
[How long was your longest relationship?]: I was nevar in a relationship
[How long was your shortest relationship?]: I was nevar in a relationship
[Who was your first love?]: My hand
What do you miss most about them?]: Always with me [What is the biggest mistake you've made in your life?]: Fucking up.
[What is the last thing you said?]: PENIS PENIS PENIS
[Who is the last person you saw?]: People
[Who is the last person you fought with?]: Some random person ovar the interweb.

—————THE PRESENT
[What are you wearing?]: Blue t-shirt and sweat pants
[What are you doing?]: Masturbation station
[Who are you talking to?]: Imaginary people in my head
[What song are you listening to?]: Last Regrets from Kanon
[Where are you?]: Computer room in at DeSales
[Who are you with?]: No one but some unknown NPCs
[Are you in a chatroom?]: No

————FUTURE
[What day is it tomorrow?]: Friday
[What are you going to do after this?]: Probably jerk off or read sum books
[Who are you going to talk to?]: No one
[Where are you going to go?]: Outside
[What do you want to be?]: A god.
[Drink?]: Yes
[Smoke?]: No
[Want to die?]: Doesn’t matter. I don’t fear it.