After being home for a while, I can say it really doesn’t feel like home anymore. Well, it never really did feel like home, but I dunno. I enjoyed it in one way or another. Nowadays ever since I left to stay at Penn State things just seem really depressing to be around here. It’s the same old sites and the same lazy feel of this place. I’m just glad that I have good friends that I can hang around while I’m home because being home isn’t really giving me those warm fuzzy feelings the media portrays family as.

I guess the depressing feeling is mostly because of my brother. He kind of just seems to mope around in his room. I see him on the computer mostly or laying on his bed in the dark. It’s really depressing to see.

In the past I may have said that he was below me or not as good as I am, but I think we both have are strengths and weaknesses, but to see him just not do anything with himself is just sad for me to see. He hasn’t been in school in half a year now, he has yet to get a job and still can’t drive. He never goes outside either…

My dad says that my brother was going to meet some girl. I’m not sure if he did but when I’ve talked to my dad he says things like, “He just needs to find motivation. Maybe by meeting this girl he’ll find motivation. I dunno.” or something. I don’t really agree with this much. I think anyone who has to rely on someone else or something else other then their own will or self for motivation is coping out because people and things will always fail you. People can die. People can betray you. Objects can get destroyed. Objects can get lost. If those things disappear you lose your motivation. I think it is better that you can believe in yourself and as long as you are alive you can work to achieve your goals. Maybe it isn’t motivation my brother lacks but goals to set himself on. I don’t know. I don’t talk to my brother much about personal things. I’m sure my dad knows more about Ethan’s odd inner workings than I do.

He tells me that I should grow up and that I still haven’t matured at all. Of course I have matured! If I didn’t mature I wouldn’t have worked as hard as I did to get this far this semester. I act the way I do in front of him not as a facade but because it makes me laugh and it used to make him laugh too. Though, he doesn’t seem to laugh anymore to it, and it’s kind of making me become more distant. I don’t know what his problem is. This guy. I just want to laugh and smile while I’m home but he’s so uptight. It’s making me feel bad to act nerdy while I’m here at home.

There is nothing I can do or know what to do for him. I’m not going to be around here forever. He needs to sort out his life himself. He’s already almost 19. Shouldn’t we be all over that stage?

Study Abroad applying is extremely painful

I really need to write something out and get my thoughts organized. I believe just a few hours ago I had a panic attack, and currently recovering from the said attack. This was due to what I thought was a blunder on my part when processing my study abroad things. I thought that there were many forms else that I wasn’t aware of via the actual program and not my school’s pre-decision process stuff. In actuality, a lot of this stuff has either been completed or will be provided by my school.

If anything, the 3 things that I wasn’t aware of was a student authorization form, which I can actually send on my own, and two possible forms regarding the specific program I am applying for. I feel real bad that I’m probably going to have to put my Japanese teacher on the spot to sent out another recommendation kind of form right when I get back from school. I don’t want to lie, and say they just said I had to fill these out too, but it’s kind of true since I wasn’t aware of it or them. Another thing I must do is apply for a passport soon before I go back to school.

Now, I am most certainly having second thought about studying abroad. I really want this to work. I don’t know if this is the only chance I have to go. I don’t want to mess this up, but the thing is I was studying, and having fun but during all that time I really wasn’t putting much research into what I am doing. I didn’t visit any of the advisers or seek help about study abroad programs. Though, to be honest, I didn’t think I needed to because I had talked to my academic adviser and she’s like, “If this is what you’re looking for. Do this program.” So, it’s not like I had to search for the right program for me. I was already told what was best for what I wanted. So, I dunno. Maybe I’m just overly worried about this all of a sudden.

Accepted. Rejected. Surely everything will work out.

Finite Math – Who the hell knows????

I’m not anticipating on doing well, but the highest I can get is a C (I hope I make that!!) and the lowest I can get is a D (DO NOT WANT). It’s just so fucking stupid because I’m doing the practice exams and doing well on them. Like not getting them all right or anything but getting enough right to at least get a B on them. What the fuck, right? Whoever made the exams in spring 2007 sure made them a lot more different for the fall or maybe it’s just me who thinks the current exam problems are different then the past problems?

I hope for the best here. I’m on my third latte here. I am going to die. I have never taken last minute studying so seriously before. How the hell have I made it this far with my current work ethic? And I want to study a language? _|-|O
I can’t explain it but I am having soooooo much fun just drinking energy drinks, reading this math textbook and solving math problems. It’s like everything makes sense in this caffinated state. Must defeat math final.

Asian Literature – Good job

Things have been so far so good, but there is still two more finals to go. I don’t feel very up to it to study for my math final, but things have been going pretty good so far with 2 A’s and probably a third on the way. Might as well must up all the luck I can use now. Ugh, my outward appearance looks so horrible and I’ve been drinking too much coffee, but at this time appearances are probably the least of mine and others worries. I am so glad I do not have a room mate this semester because if I did I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I’ve done this semester.

Picked up my Asian Literature last quiz and journal entries which I got a 10/10 and a 25/25 respectively on. I can really bullshit some how. The professor said that, “I made some good comparisons.” and “Enjoyed what I wrote.” So, as long as she liked it I’m fine with that even though I wrote it all the night before. Haha oh wow. Also, the group I was in, we got 20+1 for our skit on The 100% Perfect Girl for our creativity and originality. Ah, that felt good because we did a good job and amazingly the skit was basically just what we did while in Starbucks trying to figure out what our skit should be on. Though, no, I didn’t say, “Hadoken!” or “Falcon Punch!” in the store it was fun to have to say them for the skit. Good times.

I asked why we didn’t go over any of the Chinese classics because I’ve been wondering this all semester and she said that she wanted to go over other works that all have a general theme and such. Also, that most of the Chinese students taking the class have probably already read them or are familiar with them. So, with that said, I can understand why we didn’t go over them. Probably for the best since I want to start reading one of them over the holidays.

Japanese History – Did fine

It’s not really a question whether I passed or failed. It’s more like did I get higher than a 95% or not because that’s what I need to get an A for the class. Everything under that pretty much is shit sucks.

I kind of concentrated on all the wrong things study wise because I thought there would be more about the Sino-Japanese War to just after WWII, but I plowed through the multiple choice regardless so hopefully I got those all correct. The essay was a little eh because they all weren’t very good. I went with the catfish prints used in the late Tokugawa period to depict earthquakes as fearsome and beneficial. I think I might have missed some things but hopefully I got some of the important points down.

Either way I didn’t walk out of this exam feeling like I could have studied more. Just two more to go!

Edit: Yay! Got an A on the final which means I get an A for the semester. I hope this trend continues.

Being fit? I give up

I recently got back these test results about how much I’ve improved or (regressed) in my overall fitness. I’m still below average fitness (I give up who cares if I can’t do a certain amount of push-ups or sit ups in a certain amount of time), but it’s weird because I’ve been working out since September and I lost two pounds but my body fat went up from 16.7 to 17.7. WTF? I give up. I’m just going to get fat.

;_;

Jelly rolls jelly rolls jelly rolls nobody loves you

Is the semester over yet?

Since I’ve decided to finally enter the arena of online anime bloggers on my wordpress, all personal related entries will be moved here.

So tired, and the Penn State internet connection sucks. I want to go home. All this housing bullshit is confusing. Too much to study for. Blah blah blah blah…

Study Tiem?

My first semester at Penn State is pretty much over. It wasn’t too bad and some how I managed to survive living in a dorm. Not like I was ever really worried about that in the first place. Give me an internet connection and I’ll survive.

I’ve met some people too that are in the Japanese major that like the same kinds of things as I do. It’s fun to talk to some flesh and blood people that like the same things as I do. Though, not like we hang out outside of class or anything. Maybe next semester I should consider asking about that kind stuff since we’re all going to be in the same literature class again anyway. Though, it does get me a little nervous that people might think I am actually as stupid as I act because when I really warm up to people I have a hard time showing restraint in my words. So I really say a lot of stupid and troll esque stuff just to get some laughs. Though, maybe at me and not with me. :/

Classes went well overall, but math sucked. Math is the only final I’m really overall worried about. To quote Crawd C. Kenni, “It’ll work out, some how.” I sure hope so.

I was recently awarded a grant that gives $2,000 a semester.

The National Science and Mathematics Access to Retain Talent Grant (National SMART Grant) was established to encourage college students to pursue majors in physical, life, or computer sciences, mathematics, technology, or engineering, or in a foreign language deemed critical to national security.

It has some semi strict requirements like I have to be taking classes that reflect the point of the grant and I have to maintain a 3.0 or higher in the classes that pertain to my major. If it’s just the major than that’s okay because I should be fine in everything but math. This would be a nice thing to have because I could use all the help I can get.

All of my study abroad stuff is in. Well, the stuff I can send in. Once I get my GPA, I’ll have to fill out the actual application and start filling out Grant and Aid forms like no tomorrow.

Finals are next week. Got to find time to read and study in between all the procrastination.

Japanese is over, cheers!

Well, kind of. The regular classes are over now, and my oral part of my exam is done. I don’t know how I really did on that this time around. I think I did better last time, but I believe each time had its pros and cons. Like the first oral exam I really didn’t comprehend what she said but I think I responded alright to her questions or something, but this time I actually comprehended what she was saying though I wasn’t sure how to respond.

She also said that she was going to give us all a self analysis (in Japanese) based on our progress (or regression) in the class. About me she said that I remained very steady in my work, and reading is one of my strong points (which I’m not surprised), but I have to work on speaking. She suggested that I look into getting a Japanese speaking partner next semester to increase my fluency.

It’s kind of sad to not be in the class anymore. I really met some fun people in the class and it was enjoyable. A lot different than what I experianced over the summer at Lehigh. I am most certainly going to die next semester in Japanese 110 : Conversation, Reading, and Composition. The teacher is a little strict I hear, but my teacher this semester says I’ll survive. At least it will be spring and there is a high chance I won’t break down half way through. Never know though. Least 110 is just 3 times a week and worth 3 credits instead of 5 days a week and worth 4 credits.

Ima fainaru ha tatakawanakucha ikemasen. furui shiken to kuizu wo benkyou shitara, daijoubu kamoshiremasen. Fainaru ha onaji desukara.

Now I must fight the final. If I study the old tests and quizzes, I probably should be okay. Because the final is the same as them.

These things are only true if you make them so

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||| 26% Stability |||||||||| 40% Orderliness |||||||||||| 46% Accommodation |||||| 23% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual || 10% Mystical |||||||||| 36% Artistic |||||| 30% Religious |||||||||||||| 56% Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Materialism |||||| 23% Narcissism |||||| 23% Adventurousness || 10% Work ethic |||||||||||| 43% Self absorbed |||||||||||| 50% Conflict seeking |||||||||||| 43% Need to dominate || 10% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 63% Avoidant |||||||||||||||||| 76% Anti-authority || 10% Wealth |||||| 30% Dependency |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Change averse |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Individuality |||||||||| 36% Sexuality || 10% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical Fitness |||||||||||| 44% Histrionic |||||||||||||||| 63% Paranoia |||||||||||||||| 63% Vanity |||||||||||| 50% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||| 56% Indie |||||||||||||| 55%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion || 10% Stability |||| 16% Orderliness |||||||||||||| 53% Accommodation |||||||||| 36% Interdependence |||||||||||| 50% Intellectual |||||||||||| 50% Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Artistic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Religious |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Hedonism || 10% Materialism || 10% Narcissism |||||||||| 36% Adventurousness |||||||||| 36% Work ethic |||||||||||| 50% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 63% Conflict seeking |||||| 23% Need to dominate |||||| 30% Romantic |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Avoidant |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Anti-authority |||||| 30% Wealth |||||| 30% Dependency |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Change averse |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50% Individuality |||||| 23% Sexuality |||||||||||| 43% Peter pan complex |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 63% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 70% Histrionic |||||||||| 36% Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 76% Vanity |||||||||||| 50% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||||| 90% Female cliche |||||||||| 36%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

 

Took this two years ago apparently. The new one is on the top and the bottom is the older one.