A little slow today but you can do it. Have faith and confidence. You are a leader. Don’t mind anything. Don’t be afraid. You can do anything. No one is going to hurt you. You’re doing the best that you can do. There are no problems. Don’t stress. Calm down. Stand tall and don’t worry. Stop judging every action you make. Just go in and do it. Don’t worry.

You can do it. Have faith in yourself. Have confidence. Don’t fear. You can do it. Why are you so afraid. You can do anything. No one is going to hurt. You’re doing fine so please calm down.

There is no right or wrong s. Sometimes there is no correct answer. I’m starting to realize a little bit more that I am getting older and becoming and adult. I am free. I can do whatever I want. I shouldn’t feel scared or upset or stressed. Learn from each day. Believe in yourself. Have confidence in yourself. Smile. Stand tall and be a leader. Stop judging every action you make just because you’re in a foreign country. If they don’t say anything about it to me then I’m fine. I shouldn’t have to worry about things all the time like this.

Calm down. Today will be fine. Why do I live in such fear and paranoia. It was never like this before for me. I guess I just feel like it’s bound to happen. It’s right around the corner. I need to calm down. I need to stop having such a defeating feeling. I’m just overreacting. Have confidence. Be a leader. Stand tall. Today wasn’t too bad. I did the best that I think I could do and finished strong. Now, I just need to do this everyday. Everyday went better in the past because I didn’t care what people thought of me or whether I was doing right or wrong. I just did it and that was what I did. Now there is only a few more months left of the school year. I’m sure where I’ll be places in March if I have a job here, but it’ll work out for sure. Let’s just finish my time here strong.

It’s fake. It’s a joke. I wish I had a REAL job. Sure teaching English in foreign countries like in Asia can seem like a real job but it’s not. It’s fake. They hired someone like me who knows nothing about teaching, about the psychology of students, and the fundamentals of the English language?

I want to do the best I can, but I’m filled which such anxiety from my lack of experience, and uncertainty. I’m not confident in what I do, and I wish I could speak with other people, other ALTs, about this, but it seems like no one understands or really minds it.

Is this something that I’ll just get over as time goes on?

I want to make a concentrated effort to understand more about this job. Just ignoring and resisting it isn’t making anything better. No one is just going to hand me the info that I want. I’m just getting stressed out being ignorant like this, and just remaining ignorant isn’t something I can do. It’s true this isn’t something I’m all that interested in or want to stay in for the long run. But since it’s something I’m doing, the least I can do is learn more about it. Even if it’s just reading one or two articles a day about esl, teaching english, or even looking up a new game. At least I am putting forth the effort.

Maybe then it might boost my confidence a little because I’m reading other people’s experiences and learning from them.

Ever since leaving Korea I’ve had a growing phobia of being fired. I try my best in the workplace but I fear that might not be enough. I think this also stems from lack of confidence in myself because I’m not a teacher in any real sense at all, but I am looked at as one and expected to know and perform many different tasks. This has caused me to stay up many nights studying Japanese whether it’s reading novels, watching TV or just studying the books. The faster and more effort I put towards this would logically mean the more I can start looking for jobs that I would feel more confident in.

Teaching English is easy, but I seem to take it all very seriously because it is something that should be taken seriously. But maybe my worries aren’t something I should worry too much about on the whole because I know I won’t be fired without warning. And I know if there are any issues, I’m going to be told about it personally and how to improve on it. It’s not something I want to hear, but it’s better than not being given and chance and just being fired flat out.

I need to relax more. I’m too young for this.

This has been something I’ve been wanting to write about for a while now. Sure it has nothing really to do with anime, but it does deal with Japan and my life here, and my blog has pretty much spilled over into other things from degrading women to voicing my own insecurities. So why not just throw this in to? I guess I just want to give the age old declaimer and just state that I have nothing against Japan, my coworkers, my students or anything really. I like my job, and the people are nice. I want to try and be as general as possible. So with that said I’ll jump into my year of teaching English.

I was actually kind of excited for class today with the first year students but it didn’t go as planned. I didn’t think it would be too hard. And everything was written out for them, and it only required them to read. I had explained it to the JTE before. Maybe next time I should go over it again just to be safe. It’s tough. I wonder if it’s different in other schools? Hmm… Today’s lesson really didn’t work. I’m not sure why. It took time to explain. So, I think next time if the teacher fully understands then things might go better?

Today was a tiring morning. Got up late and took my time getting ready. Also forgot to eat breakfast so I’m double the amount of tired right now.

Don’t really have anything in mind this weekend. We recently had job training on Monday which was the last day of the holiday. They gave some interesting little tidbits to maybe help add to the class. But they provided a lot of theory which was fine but much like what other ALTs have said, it’s just theory where is the how? They  gave a lot of info but what the next step wasn’t given.

You know this isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. People can talk to each other a lot easier, but not me. I don’t get it. I’m just different in that way. I never got into the habit of it. It’s the same as when I was much younger in that way. It’s fine. I’m just not one of those kinds of people.